Fire Emblem: Soren vs Reyson
by Kuroda-chan
Summary: Reyson has angered Soren, and Soren is out to get revenge! Rated because of language. Path of Radiance SPOILERS! Please review! Last chapter is up!
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, or any of its characters.**

Warning: ……SPOILERS…………..Extreme OOC…

Prologue: Soren's POV

_I was walking along innocently, when suddenly Reyson-_

"Soren! It didn't happen like that!" Mist protested.

"Shut up! WHO'S TELLING THE STORY?"

"… You are…"

"AS I WAS SAYING……

_I was walking along when Reyson came up and started throwing insults at me!_

"_Soren, you're just jealous because you aren't as cool as me! You're only HALF laguz. You're such a loser."_

_I, being the good person I am, continued walking and tried to ignore him._

"_I know how you feel—well, actually I don't. I don't know how it feels to be a loser. I can't say I feel sorry for you though…" _

_That was the last straw._

_"STOP IT REYSON! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO ME! I NEVER DID ANYTHING! YOU'RE SUCH A JERK! I'M GOING TO GO PLOT YOUR DOWNFALL!" I screamed and I stomped off. And here I am, plotting Reyson's downfall…_

"Gee Soren; aren't you taking this a bit too far?" Mist asked the mage.

"No Mist. I'm NOT taking this too far. THAT DUMB SWAN—

"—Heron."

"…HERON WILL GET WHAT HE DESERVES!"


	2. Reyson and Friends

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or any of its characters.**

Chapter 1: Reyson and "Friends"

'Hmm…' Reyson thought as he walked the dirt road. 'I need somebody to help me…' "ZIHARK!" He shouted as he flew towards him. "Zihark, I —"

"No Reyson, I reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyy don't want you to spit water in my eyes again…" Zihark responded, annoyed.

"Hey, Mia made me laugh…and that was only one time—WAIT A MINUTE! That's not what I'm here for. I need help with something."

"I'm not helping you."

"…. Well…FINE THEN JERK! I'LL JUST FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP ME! SOMEBODY WHO'S ACTUALLY MY FRIEND!" Reyson screamed in the swordmaster's face.

Zihark nodded and said dully, "Yeah…you do that…have fun…"

"I WILL! I'LL HAVE SO MUCH FUN; I'LL BE HAVING A PARTY!"

"Gee…sounds like a great time…" Zihark said sarcastically.

"IT WILL BE! YOU'LL BE SORRY THAT YOU DECIDED TO BE A COMPLETE JERK!"

"Oh now I feel _really_ guilty." Another sarcastic remark.

"YOU SHOULD!"

"Reyson, will you just leave me alone…?"

"Oh, sure…" Reyson flew away to find somebody…somebody who had never done anything harmful to him…somebody that would NEVER EVER sell him.

- - - - - -

"NAESALA!" He screamed. Reyson really does like screaming…

"Naesala! I really need your help!

Naesala just flew away…

"Gee, I suppose he had something very important to do." He reassured himself. Yes Reyson, of COURSE Naesala had something important to do.

Reyson started sulking until he thought of something. "I KNOW!" He shouted at himself. "I'll just plot Soren's demise MYSELF…"

Jill, who was nearby and couldn't help hearing what Reyson randomly shouted to himself, just HAD to ask. "Um…Reyson…why are you plotting Soren's demise…?"

Reyson glanced around nervously and said "Err…well…you see…he called me a mean jerk…"

Jill raised her eyebrow. "And THAT'S a reason to plot his demise?"

"Um…yeah…that sums it up."

**R&R!**


	3. Jill's New Hatred

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or any of its characters.**

Let's join our favorite mage. Well, my favorite mage.

"Mist, I need you to help me—" Soren started to tell the girl.

"Soren, I'm not going to help you plot anybody's downfall!" Mist exclaimed.

"Yeah Mist? Well you're a dumbass!" Soren shouted as he stomped off.

Mist muttered something about telling Ike about what Soren called her, but he couldn't hear it.

Reyson was having problems too.

"AHHH! JILL! GE' OFFA ME! I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT YOU! OW! THAT HURTS! I'M TELLING ON YOU!" Reyson wailed.

Jill paused for a moment. "Telling on me?"

"YEAH! I'M GONNA TELL LEANNE AND SHE'S GONNA COME HERE AND BEAT YOU UP!"

"Oh no, is she gonna flippin' SING to me?"

"Yeah, she's gonna sing really badly and it'll make your ears bleed." He said with authority.

"O…kay?"

"Now I'm gonna bring her here." Then Reyson did this really weird bird call thing that sounded kinda like this:

"EEEEEEOAAAAAAAABLERGHAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA!"

"What the heck…"

Leanne came to Reyson's "rescue". She started to sing really badly.

"KJHBLSJHGBLAESNGFAAAAKERTNABLAHNERTFLIPHEAD**YOU BITCH **ASLJHGLAJHGLABUARPFLERGAFLERGARAWRRAWRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEQAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIQQQQDOTDOTDOTEEERRRRRR!"

Then Jill's ears started to bleed and she died from blood loss. Not really. But DID start crying and ran away to find Rhys to heal her.

"Wow Leanne, that almost made MY ears bleed! You were terrible! Nice job!" Reyson told his sister happily.

Then Leanne flew away.

"I got it!" Reyson screamed out of the blue. "I'll have Leanne sing really badly and make Soren's ears bleed and then he will die from blood loss not really but he WILL start crying and run away to find Rhys to heal him." Reyson explained to himself in one breath.

Reyson really needs to stop talking to himself…

Meanwhile…

Soren needed to find somebody to help him. Fortunately for him, he wasn't dumb enough (I like Reyson a lot, but this story is OOC) to ask people who hate him. He decided to ask Zihark because he OBVIOUSLY was really annoyed with Reyson.

"Hey Zihark, wanna plot Reyson's downfall with me?" He asked.

"SURE!" He screamed. Loudly.

"Um…is it just me, or are you over eager to harm him?"

"No, Reyson has been bugging me a lot. Especially that one time when he spit water in my eyes."

"Yeah? Well, he called me a loser…that asshole..."

"REVENGE!" Zihark screamed. Loudly, of course.

And thus began Soren and Zihark's new friendship. Or common hatred. You pick.

**R&R!**


	4. Get a Haircut

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or any of its characters. You should know that by now. I also don't own "Tootsie Roll Pops".**

"Zihark…I think we need a distraction so that Reyson doesn't know what we're planning…" Soren said.

"Well, I have an idea…but it's pretty daring…"

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"HEY REYSON! HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP!" Zihark screamed.

"Um…I don't—" Reyson began to say until he was interrupted by a Tootsie Roll Pop getting shoved into his face.

"Well then Reyson, why don't you find out?" Zihark told him as he ran back to Soren.

"One…two…threeeeeeeeeee….."

Soren and Zihark were busy jotting stuff down when suddenly Ike and Oscar burst into the…uh…room…yeah, they were in a room.

"Soren, I have known you almost all my life…" Ike began. "And I have something very important to tell you."

"Sure Ike, go for it."

"GET A HAIRCUT!" He screamed in the mage's face.

"No! NEVER!" Soren shouted.

"Oh yeah, Soren? Well…." He said mischievously as he poked Soren where his neck meets his shoulders…or wherever…and Soren crumpled to he ground and Ike started hitting him with his sword until Soren started bleeding.

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA **KILL **HIM!" Oscar sobbed. Yeah, sobbed.

Ike looked around nervously and ran away. Then Oscar rode away on his horse to get Rhys.

"And now I'm alone." Zihark said sadly.

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"IKE!" Soren screamed as he chased after the older boy. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR?"

"Um…for not getting a haircut! That's why!" Ike replied as he tripped and fell to the ground.

The next thing he knew Soren was jumping on him.

"OW! SOREN—OW! OW! STOP IT!" Ike screamed.

Then Soren began to hit him with his spell books.

"I'M SORRY! I WON'T COMMENT ABOUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN! PLEASE STOP IT!" He pleaded.

Soren sighed. "Fine…"

**R&R**

Sorry, that one was really short. I'm trying to think of more ideas. 


	5. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or any of its characters, or Tootsie Roll Pops.

* * *

It was a smell your socks kind of day. Gross. 

Soren and Zihark had drawn a diagram of what they were going to do to Reyson.

"No Zihark, the needles go over THERE." Soren explained.

"Got it." Zihark said as he fixed it up. "Wait...we can't do this! The **_law _**will be out to get us if we KILL him."

"Yeah, and that Leanne is a damn good lawyer."

* * *

Reyson was sulking because...because...well, I don't really know why he was sulking.

"I'M SULKING BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED MY TOOTSIE ROLL POP AND NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT HOWMANY LICKS IT TAKES TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP!" He said very loudly. Oh, right.

Reyson had given up on plotting Soren's downfall...

* * *

Mist walked up to Soren and Reyson. "Soren, Titania says that if you start any more fights, she'll kill you." she announced in a tattle-tale voice.

"Wait..." Soren began. "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! If she--

"SHUT UP SOREN!" Mist shouted. "NOBODY LIKES YOU WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO DIE?"

Titania walked in. "YEAH SOREN JUST GO DIE AND MAKE THE WORLD A HAPPIER PLACE. EVERY TIME I SEE YOU I THROW UPBlehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"GROSS!" Mist screamed.

Titania was about to kill Soren when Ike did a slow motion jump.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (slo mo)

And then Ike died. The world was happy.

* * *

R&R! 


	6. Cheep Cheep Fun Fun

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or the song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day.**

Heh, the story isn't really living up to it's title...

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"OH MY GOSH YOU KILLED IKE!" Mist screamed.

Then Reyson came in and began to sing to the tune of "Wake Me Up When September Ends"

_"Soren willcome to pass_

_The half laguz can never last_

_Wake me up when Soren is dead_

ThenBoyd chimed in,

_Ike has come to pass _

_The idiots can never last_

_Wake me up when my coma ends..._

And with that last line, Boyd slipped into a coma. Then Oscar and Rhys shoved him into a closet and locked the door for good measure.

* * *

Everyone had (easily) gotten over Ike's death.

* * *

"Hey, Rolf...want some drugs...?" 

"I dunno, Boyd always told me not to--

"Yeah? Well Boyd's a dumbass and is, as we speak, locked in a closet."

"Well I guess if you put it that way--

Oscar ran up to his younger brother. "SHINON! ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL ROLF DRUGS AGAIN!"

"Uh...maybe...C'MON OSCAR, THEY'RE CHEAP!" Shinon dragged Reyson into the scene. "Say it Reyson."

"No."

"Please?"

"FINE!..." Reyson sighed. "Cheep cheep fun fun!" (1)

Oscar, Rolf, Shinon, and Gatrie, who had just appeared, started laugh hardly.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO HURTFUL!" Reyson sobbed as he flew away.

* * *

Oscar and Rolf found Ranulf twitching. "HEYGUYSHIWASSUPYOI'MGONNAGOFINDSOMEMORESODAPOP!" (2) He said quickly. Really quickly.

Rolf had a face that was like...WTF!

Then Ranulf ran off (haha Ranulf:Ranoff...ha) to go find the refridgerator. If there even was one...

"What the heck...?" Oscar said.

* * *

**Hope you liked this (still short) chapter! Read and Review!**

**(A/N)**

**1. "Cheep cheep fun fun" is a quote from a commercial...which I don't own.**

**2. I call it soda and some people call it pop so I compromised and called it soda pop.**


	7. Extra chapter thing

**I'm putting this chapter in because I can't think of ideas...it's really short...SORRY!**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance or any of its characters.

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Reyson decided to go find Naesala.

"Hey...what's all this stuff...?" He asked Naesala as he pointed to a pile of explosives.

"Um...I don't know."

"BUT YOU OWN THIS PLACE!"

"I'm uh...holding it for someone..."

"Sure you are." Reyson said sarcasically.

"REYSON! GET OUT OF HERE!" Naesala screamed.

"Ok...ok...gosh..." Then Reyson flew away.

* * *

"I wonder waht those explo-- 

KABOOM!

"NO!" Reyson screamed. "NOT SERENES FOREST! NO! NAESALA! WHY!"

"Um...well Reyson...Serenes Forest is like a...PENCIL!"

"O...kay..."

"And sometimes the pencil has to get put in the PENCIL SHARPENER!"

"Right..."

"AND SOMETIMES THE PENCIL JUST HAS TO GET BLOWN UP!"

Then Reyson started crying and ran away.

"Hahaha..." Naesala laughed. "Works every time...well, actually, I just made it up as I went along...oh well."

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	8. Firey hair

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Path of Radiance.

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Reyson wlked over to Soren.

"REYSON! GET YOUR ROYAL ASS OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Soren ordered loudly.

"Uh...Soren? We're outside..." Reyson said weakly, waiting to get hit. "OW! Sorry..."

"I don't care just get out of here."

Then Boyd escaped from the closet. He ran up to Soren and drop-kicked him.

"AH! BOYD!"Soren screamed. "WHATTHE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"Uh...I dunno..." was all he could think of to say.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Soren, WE'RE OUTSIDE." Reyosn said again.

"JUST GO AWAY!" Soren screamed.

"Geez..fine..."

* * *

Reyson was really bored so he started burning ants with a magnifying glass. He accidentally moved the magnifying glass over his hair and it caught on fire. 

"AUGH!" Reyson screamed. "HELP MEEEEEEEEE!"

Oscar came rushing over. "OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH! WHAT HAPPENED!"

"MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!"

Oscar started stomping on Reyson's head.

"AH! OW! NO OSCAR! STOP IT! BAD OSCAR! BAD!" Reyson screamed.

"Heheh.." Oscar laughed nervously. "Oops..."

"Ow...I think you bruised my leg..." Reyson moaned.

"I was stomping on your HEAD." Oscar correctedhim.

"Same thing. Now...why don't YOU go get your head stomped by somebody?"

"Okay. I'm sure everybody would be overjoyed if I did."

"**I **certaintly would."

"Mmhmm."

"GO AWAY!"

"Dohkay."

* * *

Soren was really mad at Reyson so he went to go find Naesala.

"HEY NAESASLA CAN I AHVE SOMETHING TO BLOW UP REYSON WITH?" He asked loudly.

"NaeSALSA? Where did you come up with that?"

"Um...I dunno...anyway--"

"Wanna Cherry Bomb?"

"Sure!"

"IT'S NOT FREE!"

Soren sighed. "What do I have to pay with?"

"YOUR LIFE! MWAHAHA--cough-- err...5000 gold..."

Soren handed the crow the money and took the Cherry Bomb...

* * *

Bleh, gonna end it here. Review!


	9. Happy Birthday!

This will be the last chapter of Fire Emblem: Soren v.s. Reyson. I hope you liked my story, and if you don't, leave a review and tell me what you didn't like about it. Thanks.

**Disclamier: I own nothing.**

I'm sorry that the last chapter is short, but like I've said, I'm out of ideas.

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Mist started jumping around happily. "GUESS WHAT!" she shouted.

"...What...?" Soren asked in a bored tone.

Mist grinned. "TOMORROW'S MY BIRTHDAY! AND EVERYONE IS INVITED!"

"Even Gatrie?" Oscar asked while looking up from his book.

"No...not Gatrie..."

"Okay, I guess I'll come then!" Oscar announced with that usual dumb look on his face.

Soren frowned. "I don't like parties..."

"But it'll be fun!" Mist tried to convince him.

"Exactly why I don't like parties."

"Soren...you're weird..."

* * *

"OMIGOSH!" Reyson screamed. "SOMEBODY ACTUALLY SENT ME MAIL!" He ripped open the letter and found out it was an invitation. "YAY! I GET TO GO TO A PARTY! I WAS ACTUALLY INVITED!" 

Then Reyson frowned. "Wait...it's a birthday party...that means I have to get a present...DANG IT! I don't know what Mist likes..."

Let's leave Reyson and check up on Soren...

* * *

"Damn!" Soren swore. "Why do I have to go to this idiotic party!" 

Oscar sighed. "Soren, if it was your birthday, wouldn't you want people to come?"

"No Oscar, I wouldn't."

"Oh...Well, friends will be there!"

"What friends?"

"Me!" Oscar replied happily.

"Oscar, you're not my friend." Soren stated without emotion.

Oscar began crying. "Wh-why Soren? I always thought w-we were b-best f-friends...WAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Loser."

* * *

To make a long story short, Oscar finally convinced Soren to go to the party. How? We will never know... 

-o- Later -o- (Mist's Party)

There was a pinata (how to I put the thingy-which-I-forgot-it's-name-thing on top of the 'n'?) that was shaped like a smiley face.

"CAN I TRY?" Reyson begged. "PLEASE!"

"Sure Reyson!" Mist answered and handed him a stick, and blindfolded him.

Reyson swung and ended up hitting Soren's face.

"AH!" Soren screamed. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

Reyson took the blindfold off. "Oops." he handed Soren the stivk. "Your turn."

Soren began hitting Reyson with the piece of wood. "HAHA!"

"Soren stop!" Mist yelled. "You the have the stick, it's your turn."

Soren sighed and put the blindfold on. "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HIT IT!"

Oscar leaned over. "_Use the force..."_ He whispered in Soren's ear.

"Oscar, I don't believe in the force." Soren said.

"Well, just listen to me because I'm your friend!"

"To hell with friendship."

"WHAT'S WITH YOU SOREN?" Mist shouted. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY PARTY?"

Mist pushed Soren off a cliff.

THE END.

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For the ending, I'm sorry if you're a Soren fan. He's one of my favorite characters.

I hope you liked it! Please review!


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